What a Guy..!

We have a Professor that works with us, brain the size of a planet, incredibly smart, I went to one of his lectures a while back and he lost me half way through the first sentence, I’m not sure if he was speaking Gujarati or Klingon but I nodded my head at what I hoped was the appropriate places (and wished I had sat at the back of the lecture theatre..)

He writes papers with titles like this;

Shortened lymphocyte Telomere length is associated with the development of chromosomal loss of heterozygosity in serrated adenomas. Non-synonymous DNA repair polymorphisms and the DNA repair phenotype: a in-silico analysis. Methylation-specific multiplex probe ligand amplification analysis of methylation patterns in serrated adenomas

I’ve aged three weeks before I make it to the end of that sentence.. if I didn’t know better I’d think someone had just randomly ran their fingers across the keyboard to create that title..but very learned men clap very loudly at the end of his lectures..surely he can’t be fooling them all, this man is bright, very bright, government minsters come to him for advice and he came to me today for some advice on writing a web page..

I thought this would be a easy as he’s mega brain..so I sat him down at my workstation and the lesson begun… “Doubleclick on the Dreamweaver icon on the desktop Prof…”
…erm he looks a bit confused…
So I point to the Dreamweaver icon and say “click here…THAT’S the Dreamweaver icon..”
and he goes “Oh yes.. I see.. ”
and reaches over to the mouse, ..and lifts it and points it at the monitor like a TV remote control and keeps stabbing the button…

I sigh..deeply…

Now, give him his due, he did retire about two thousand years ago and works one day a week for the love of the job but somehow or another this Professor has managed to achieve what thousands of guys out there can’t do – and that’s Live Off The Grid, there are guys out there who won’t own a mobile phone or have email or credit cards and pay everything cash and get paid in cash and as far as the big brother computers are concerned they don’t exist as they don’t appear on any databases… paranoid little fuckers if you ask me but I have a tip for them, don’t bother, just become a Professor of Genetics…then you don’t ever have to touch a computer, you can bypass the whole Information Age completely..

I asked the Prof surely he uses a PC to write his papers but no, he never got the hang of them so he dictates his papers onto a ?Dictaphone and his secretary types them out…or sometimes he types them out on an old typewriter he has at home and gives that to his secretary…she, BTW is almost as old as him, I’m sure I noticed cobwebs betwixt her arms and chest but she has succumbed to the information revolution.. I asked about ribbon for the type writer and he agreed it was becoming harder to find so he bought a few extra ribbons a while back…just in-case.. So want to live off the grid, not want a mobile phone, live without a credit card..not actually have an email address – well, one that’s never been used by him – then study REALLY hard and one day my son, one day all this will be yours..

What a Guy..!

Leave a Reply