Software Upgrade Time

Self-Portrait. I'm the one on the left incase you were wondering.

I updated my inbuilt system software today from version 5.0 to version 5.1. My creator says it’s just a maintenance release as he’s noticed a few bugs that need to be stomped out and I need more memory as I’m running out of space. Personally I’m not convinced, I think this upgrade that I’m contractually obliged to accept every 365 days (366 on leap years) isn’t all it’s cracked up to be and it introduces more problems than it fixes..

I’ve been thinking about this and am of the opinion that the 3.6 version of software was probably the best and the most efficient. This version seems to be introducing more bugs than it claims to fix and the hardware is not as efficient as it was before. My mother Doris, who is currently running version 8.5 system software agrees, she says that the software is becoming flakier with each minor point increase and at major release 8.0 she had to merge systems with B.O.B., a younger model who was running system 7.5 just to cope with day to day commands.

I’m seriously thinking of following my mother’s route and finding myself another model to merge software, and more importantly, hardware with. Not like the previous one wasn’t without it’s own problems, it would go down on me sometimes without any warning and that was okay at home where I could quickly attend to it but was a bit of a bugger if she went down on me whilst I was doing 90mph up the motorway. It was okay for her if she crashed big time – she came with two important accessories already built in, large airbags but I had no such protection. And then there was the problem with her memory, every mistake was stored in her long term memory and was never deleted, she was able to recall each and every single mistake flawlessly (and did!) and then her internal logic, well, I’m not sure even her manufacturer understood it at all. And I seemed to spend increasing amounts of money keeping her mainframe in good working order.

However, there were certain tasks that she seemed to be better programmed to handle than myself, for example, making micro-computers, she was much more efficient at that task than me and it seemed the only actual input she required from me was at the very start of the process, a tiny deposit and after that it seemed a completely automated system.

Mind you, she used to complain about me, she would point out that finding the right switch to turn me on was damn near impossible as I kept moving it and that I needed to exchange my floppy disk for one of those much more effective hard disks. Additionally although I appeared to have accumulated a huge amount of data over the years I still appeared completely clueless, plus she purchased me to solve problems but it soon became apparent that I created more problems than I solved and finally she regretted purchasing me as the moment she did then a newer faster better model appeared on the market.

And talking about computers, I found this ‘Ode To A Computer’ on the net

A computer was something on TV
From a science fiction show of note
A window was something you hated to clean
And ram was the cousin of a goat.

Meg was the name of my girlfriend
And gig was a job for the nights
Now they all mean different things
And that really mega bytes.

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano.

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3-inch Floppy
You hoped nobody found out.

Compress was something you did to the garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You’d be in jail for a while.

Log on was adding wood to the fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode.

Cut you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider’s home
And a virus was the flu.

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