Right Royal Cock-ups..

Around the year 2000 I was working with Breast Cancer Haven, a breast cancer charity set up in Effie Road, Fulham, London. VERY posh area – so I felt completely at home (not!)

Prince Charles was the patron of Breast Cancer Haven and we had the official opening in 2000 when he and his large entourage pitched up to officially open the place, cut some ribbon and give us lots of free publicity.

HRH wandered around the place getting introduced to the staff but when he came to me I was in one of those mood (as always), so he asked what did I do.  I told him I was one of the nurses and advised on different types of prosthesis and then I uncovered dummy wearing a bra fitted with two prosthetic breasts… I asked him if he would like to test them for realism and then perhaps (PURELY for research purposes of course) test my friend’s  Tr boobs who was standing right next to me – to compare the difference of course..

EVERYONE GASPED but he just looked at me, grinned and he said that perhaps that wouldn’t be a good idea – I said it would make an EXCELLENT photo opportunity (Prince Charles feels a right tit) and he just laughed and everyone breathed a sigh of relief…  Well, it had to be done…

Then we got invited to St James Palace for an reception celebrating the opening of Breast Cancer Haven. We were all in huge hall when HRH enters and the boss started introducing staff members to him. He eventually came along to yours truly and boss woman was about to introduce me when Prince Charles stopped her and said “it’s OK, I remember who this young man is….and so do my security men!”

Then one day I was looking after the reception there because someone was off sick and yet another well heeled group walked in and started to look around. This wasn’t unusual, Breast Cancer Haven seemed to attract a lot of posh people and a lot of celebs. Sadly I didn’t read Hello magazine and couldn’t afford a subscription to SKY so I hadn’t a clue who half these people were! I had to be told who Jerry Hall and Bryan Adams were! And lots of other celebs long ago forgotten..

The group were admiring the buildings windows, it’s a converted Welsh Chapel.. Then a lady broke off from the group and asked me in a VERY posh voice where the boss office was? I told her upstairs and she went off in that direction. I called after her and said did she have an appointment as the boss is always incredibly busy. She turned around, looked at me very oddly and said to me in a ..”Oh, do you not know who I am?” With a sinking feeling in my tummy I said I’m sorry, I don’t watch much telly.. and she smiled and said “perhaps you might not know me but you might know my husband” …and pointed to one of the men in the group..

I looked at him and thought “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! It’s Prince Edward….” oh dear…why I haven’t been throw in the Tower of London is beyond me..

A few years before all these cock-ups I was working at the Royal Brompton in South Kensington on the Adult Intensive Care Unit. On the way in to a night shift I noticed a crowd of people standing outside the gates interviewing staff, I asked Security what was going on and apparently Princess Di was having ‘a fling’ with one of the consultants there and they were all trying to get some dirt on him, I thought ‘rubbish’ and went on into work.

At about 2am I was starving so I went downstairs to the canteen in the basement, I noticed that all the journalists had gone. I got some food in the canteen, got back into the lift to go back to the AICU, pressed the button for AICU when a voice called out “Hold the lift please…”

I stuck my foot in the door and it slide back… only to reveal Prince Diana!

The staff canteen is in the basement and then it struck me, she had drove around the back to the basement door and came in through there to avoid the press!

My mouth fell open, she looked at me and smiled and said hello, I smiled back and mumbled hello, you’re up late tonight.. She said yes and asked me where did I work?

I said the Adult Intensive Care Unit on the 1st floor.  She said that’s great as the surgical teams offices were on the same floor, could I do her a favour and check if the coast was clear of journalists before she got out of the lift?

I said of course, went up to 1st floor, she stood back and I checked out the general area, the place was deserted, I told her it was OK to come out, she said thanks very much and have a good shift and off she went in the direction of the surgical team offices…and I thought to myself  ‘that consultant’s one lucky bugger!!!”

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