Most embarrassing moments..

I was reading a blog about life’s most embarrassing moments and this girl wrote that when in sixth form her teacher asked if anyone could do something unusual…like wiggle their ears or somersault…so this 16yr old said she could do a cartwheel, the teacher thought that’s a good trick so the entire class pushed all their desks back and she stood up to do her cartwheel, unfortunately as she was in the middle of it two things happened simultaneously

1) Her skirt fell down and everyone could see her awful Bridget Jones knickers..

2) She farted…REALLY LOUDLY

The entire class fell to the floor laughing and she was humiliated.. even the teacher laughed…

She left shortly after that and became an axe murderer..

I know how she feels.. I was debriefed in front of my entire town when I was 19 and desperately trying to be cool… 🙁

I found this on ‘ta tinkernet the other year, kept it to cheer myself up but think I shall share it with you lot..

Paste..

My mate JW went on a two week boating holiday on the Norfolk Broads with his girlfriend, mum & dad, an auntie and both of his grandmothers. Because the interior walls of the narrowboat were paper thin, he and the gf decided to self-impose a nookie ban for fear of embarrassing all the wrinklies, but by the end of the first week, he was absolutely gagging for it.

Imagine then his delight at waking up very early Sunday morning to find the boat absolutely silent – woo!, yay! and hoopla! A damn good shagging ensued after which the boat was still completely silent, so they do it all over again, with a little more gusto.

After dispensing a weeks worth of baby glue, JW pops to the galley for a post-coital drink and notices, in horror, through the galley window two things;

i) His entire family sat in awkward silence on the riverbank having breakfast.

ii) The mini-tsunami of tidal waves from the bonking still hadn’t settled down.

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After a night out drinking with some friends we had decided to get some pizzas for the walk home. On the way we passed a homeless person. I couldn’t eat my last few slices of pizza, so thought that the homeless guy might appreciate a free meal. Offering him the pizza he seemed pleased, and asked what was on it. “it’s ham and pineapple” i said. “Oh, i dont like pineapple” he said, to which, in my slightly tactless and drunken state replied “well, beggars cant be choosers!”

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At school, we had a new Maths teacher one day, and I’m attempting to point out to my friends at the back of the class what saggy tits she has. I’ve mouthed this a few times with the internationally recognised hand gesture for saggy tits. They don’t have a clue what I’m going on about so I raise my voice above the general noise of the classroom a tad. At that instant, for a reason I shall never know the class goes silent, leaving me shouting “She’s got saggy tits!” with her staring at me. Bugger.

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I guess I should dob my wife in….. she was working as a hairdresser in Brisbane (Oz) and a lady with three kids in tow asked to make an appointment for a perm and a trim for her hubby. My wife asked for her name and was told “Mrs Kuntz” – pronounced the same as you know what, and yes, you can guess how my wife wrote it down…
Mrs Kuntz saw what was written and loudly spelled her name for my wife’s’ benefit – my wife being extremely embarrassed blurted out “Oh..okay..sorry.” Looks at the three kids and says “Will you be bringing the little Kuntz with you?”
The woman complained but my wife’s’ employer thought it was dead funny and didn’t sack her.

I also met a rather *coff* attractive former work colleague at Paddington Station as couple of years after she went off and got a new job.

“When’s the baby due?” I asked pointing to the rather obvious bulge.

“I’m not pregnant,” she replied.

AAAAARGH! How was I to know it was pie retention?

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When I was going to work one day, there were 3 of us in a car going along the motorway, and every so often we’d pass a bored child being driven somewhere. Occasionally the bored child would make stupid faces at us, and being the merry fellows that we are, we’d respond with a similarly stupid face.
This was all well and good until we were behind one car with a kid gurning out the back at us – we started gurning back, and it was only after about 5 minutes of doing this that we realised that the kid actually had cerebral palsy. His parents looked shocked and appalled as we overtook them and disappeared quickly into the distance.

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I was once in Burger King, at the back of the queue trying to work out what I wanted from the menu. Unfortunately I didn’t have my glasses on so I couldn’t see too well.

Luckily I knew the eye-focusing trick of squinting, putting your fingers into the corners of your eyes and pulling them outwards (Try it, it works).

I was standing in this pose reading the menu completely oblivious to the Chinese family walking towards me after having purchased their meals. They assumed I was some twat taking the piss, but I got away with a dirty look.

The shame.
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A distant relative died a couple of years ago. He was a quaker, and we went to his memorial service. Quakers have a rather different way of sending off their brethren, which involves about 70 people sitting around in a circular seating arrangement, 3 rows deep (everyone facing each other). At one point in the service, everyone sits in complete silence for one hour (ONE HOUR!), during which anyone (sometimes people who hardly even knew him) occasionally stand up and say whatever they want.

Anyway – everything went well for me, Mrs 8-Ball and my brother, until about 45 mins into the silent bit, when one of the old people next to us fell asleep and started snoring. This gave us a fit of the surpressed giggles. Then – when, in his dormant state, the man let an enormous one rip, my brother finally broke down into uncontrollable laughter, with tears streaming down his face. I managed to keep it together by biting halfway through my bottom lip.

No one really spoke to us much at the coffee and tea bit afterwards.

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