Messing with the inmates.

Fork me!

A few years ago the UK version of Match was bought over by the French company Meetic and with it Match changed completely, the whole interface was different, the pricing structure changed and the ability to browse profiles severely limited. I hated it and switched to OK Cupid instead.

Meetic made one big change that resulted in a lot of grief over here in the UK and complaints all over UK dating forums, previously you could cancel your subscription via your account page but once Meetic took over the site then the only way to unsubscribe was via a phone number. Upon calling it and eventually getting through, you were given the hard sell and lots of options before you eventually got through to a real person who continued to stall your cancellation, I had to be very firm and insist they stopped my subs but I’m sure the operators are on some sort of commission.

Another change the French owners instigated was they were a lot more picky about what you could write in your (4,000 characters) profile but crucially they wouldn’t tell you what words were acceptable and what weren’t. This annoyed me immensely, I had changed my profile and they kept refusing it, from my perspective I couldn’t understand why ‘spooning’ and ‘forking’ was deemed unacceptable when the profile had been like that for months with no issues. So me being me, I thought I would try writing a profile and make it as bizarre as possible and see what the limits were. It seemed to be totally random as to what would get through and what wouldn’t, like each operator just used their own judgement – or didn’t even bother reading the profile. I assume some software scanned the profile and rejected a large list of words and I wonder, is there someone in France who’s sole job is to collect swear words from the internet and enter them into a seedy database somewhere… and does s/he get tinted by this day job so when they go home and they swear at their husband “pass the forking salt please..”.  I’ll never know..but I’m curious..

Anyway, I couldn’t use obvious swear words and even LMFAO and forking got red flagged but feck, bleeding, and even effing seemed to get through OK, obviously the new French owners didn’t think to look up slang swear words, especially Irish ones..

So I thought I’d see what else was acceptable and I wrote in my profile that I was addicted to sex, it was a medical condition and the docs couldn’t do anything about it. I also wrote that I had a false left leg and most embarrassing I suffered from over active sweat glands and tended to pong quite a lot (not entirely sure that’s untrue 😉  I was curious to see if anyone would contact me, ..sometimes I like to play..

And I was contacted almost immediately by a woman from Brighton, that’s about 40miles south of here, not too far to go for rumpy-pumpy (!) but she uttered those words I don’t like to see in a first, second, third, hundreth email “I read your profile and I have fallen in love with you immediately….” which in my eyes comes just slightly above “Last night God spoke to me in a dream about you” and “We are destined to be together forever and ever”….in a Kathy Bates voice over… I had visions of being handcuffed to a bed – and sadly not in a sexual fantasy way, more in a scary Hotel California ‘you can never leave’ way, strangely I also had visions of the Adams Family… Why on earth anyone would feel drawn to a smelly sex crazed one legged Irishman I’ll never know.

She had a minimal profile and no photo and I tend to avoid anyone that has a ‘hidden profile – after all it’s not Blind Date dot com and I’m immediately suspicious of them. So Mrs Brighton, I emailed her back and politely said thank you but I had found someone ‘special’ and would be deleting my profile -which I did – but before that, what was it exactly about me that interested her. It seemed that she thought we were a good match as we both had a disability.. She ‘forgot’ to mention this on her profile, she was wheelchair bound, plus she actually lived in Florida..and she was 20 years older than what she said on her profile..

Now, here’s the thing which I am curious about and I’m never going to know the answer to this, being crazy these days is really an art form, there is a fine line between good crazy and bad crazy – was she taking the piss just like me, was she just a reasonably normal woman, not like I’m trying to pass as reasonably normal but perhaps she really was in Brighton, and she was doing the exact same thing as me, perhaps she too was pissed off at Match and was playing with the inmates too… I’ll never know… but I’m curious…

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