Apparently the world is going to end tomorrow – or at least Judgement Day will kick off tomorrow morning at 7am.
and straight from the horse’s mouth;
This is a bit of a bummer for various reason, number one being of course do I do a big shop tomorrow morning or just get enough for breakfast? Number two being bloody James Cameron already has the movie rights and made the movie but the really annoying thing about Judgement Day – the event, not the movie – is that it curtails my hobby of telling celebs what complete pricks they are.
Now that I’ve messed about with nearly all the Royal Family I was looking for a new hobby (some may say ‘victims’) and was hoping to tell Paul David Hewson (Bono) that we are fed up with his sanctimonious preaching as he jets around the world meeting famous folk like cough cough George W. Bush. And then there’s Gordon Matthew Thomas Sumner (Sting), for pete’s sake, give us a break about the rain forest and whilst we’re at it please stop banging on about tantric sex, we don’t want any more of that rammed down our throats, what goes on in the bedroom stays in the bedroom, stop boasting!
And then there’s the cults of Simon Cowell and Steve Jobs, at least I think cult is the word everyone used to describe them, the cult of tucking your black jumper into your trousers, not a good look and never was, did your mums never tell you not to tuck your shirt into your underpants either..
And then the ladies, Lady Gaga, Amy Winehouse, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Victoria Beckham aka Posh Spice whom I think last smiled in 1981, pooh faced skinny runts that all need a damn good feed, runts I said.. Sarah Palin, Piers Morgan, Gordon Ramsay..do any of them really add anything positive to the world and BTW ‘Lady’ Gaga, you need to marry a Lord to become a Lady and it also depends on the wording of the Letters Patent issued by the monarch to see if you really are a Lady.
Sorry, I must digress, here’s the thing, If all Christians are teleported to heaven tomorrow then it’s really going to bugger up the already depressed housing market, for of course there are going to be a lot of empty houses flooding onto the market but more importantly there are going to be quite a few cathedrals surplus to requirements… I thought that Westminster cathedral looked alright a few weeks ago, I’d like first dibs on that please, put a plasma screen in one corner, a bar in the other and still have lots of room for a pool table, heaven!
Damn, it’s 8am on Saturday morning and no sign of any rapture, bugger, does this mean I won’t be moving into Westminster Cathedral?
Brilliant quote regarding the non rapture online “But Kieran Healy had a slightly more comforting message for those disappointed at not joining Jesus: “I guess on Sunday when the #Rapture people feel really upset, we can’t console them by saying ‘Cheer up, it’s not the end of the world.’”