I once met up with a rape prosecutor..

You 'can' trust me... probably.

There are certain expressions that are guaranteed to get everyone’s attention. ‘I once met up with a rape prosecutor’ is one, not like I knew it at the time. She was nice and friendly so we met up for a bite to eat and she proceeded to get very very drunk, by the end of the evening she was she was like a live wire, very loud and wide awake, she wanted to come back to my place to watch a movie I had downloaded… it was still reasonably early so I said ok, sure why not..

So we pitched up at my place and just at the front door she turns around and says to me in a very loud voice “You need to know that I am not coming in here for non-consensual sex.. and I need you to repeat that back to me!”

I said “What. I beg your pardon?”

The neighbour’s curtains twitched..

And she said “you need to know that I’m not coming in for non-consensual sex and I need you to repeat that back to me..”

And I said “What on earth are you on about?” more curtains twitched..

Then she told me (a bit too loudly) that she was a rape prosecutor and before she came in I had to repeat that statement back to her… the neighbours were all ears..

So I rather surprised myself by responding with this “sooo…if you are NOT coming in for non-consensual sex then you MUST be coming in for consensual sex!”

That completely threw her.. “No, No I mean I’m AM coming in for non-consensual sex…I mean I AM coming in for consensual sex no no NO I mean I’m not coming in for non-sex….oh dear…I’ve no idea what I’m meant to be saying…

I just giggled… no-one’s ever said that to me before..

Another expression that’s handy to know is “I’m a barrister!”

I was having some root canal work done one day and it was a bit uncomfortable… as the dentist proceeded to work away on my teeth I was getting increasingly sore so I told him so… he carried on working away and I stopped him and said I probably need some more local anaesthetic ..and he just pooh poohed me and told me that it couldn’t possibly be sore…

I looked at him and said “I should warn you, I’m a trainee barrister..”

He immediately stopped work and gave me a mega dose of local anaesthetic..

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