How To Speak Fluent Norn Iron; Part Four

Continuing in my efforts to teach the world how to ‘spake’ proper Norn Iron..

Cloth ears, (or mutton chops), someone who is a bit deaf, usually used as an insult whenever you have misheard something, the usual phrase being “Friggin Cloth Ears!” as you glare at them.

He’s on the brew, surprisingly not a reference to cups of very strong Irish tea but he is unemployed and claiming government unemployment benefit, he’s on the brew, ‘the dole’ as it is called on the mainland.

Millie, that particular breed of girl that dresses up to look adult but is in fact only 14 or 15, they usually wear far too little clothing in the evening and too much make-up and hang around in the park with slightly older looking boys who are still not allowed to drink and therefore spend Saturday night drinking shandy (beer flavoured lemonade), screeching a lot and keeping the Canadian geese awake. The term is usually prefaced with Bloody..

Food in Norn Ireland deserves it’s own page, Norn Ireland has a serious heart attack problem, double the UK average, when I was last there it took three days before I was offered some food that wasn’t fried, I was going crazy for something *anything* fresh and green..

An Ulster Fry is bread, egg, bacon, mushies, black pudding, sausages all fried in the frying pan, and covered with brown sauce, a heart attack on a plate.
Barn Brack, really hard to describe, a heavy fruit loaf delicious sliced and toasted or fried or just with butter on it.
Veda is a malty brown loaf that has to be ate with fresh butter and cheese… as they say in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang “truly scrumptious..”
Soda bread and Wheaten bread, bread made from soda flour and wheaten flour and *needs frying* before anyone would think of eating it.
Potato bread, bread made from potatoes, yes, really(!), potatoes and flour, *needs to be fried*, you are probably detecting a pattern here, to try toasting this (like some English folk foolish try to do) is sacrilegious, it *has* to be fried or it tastes absolutely minging.
Tayto Cheese and Onion, out of all the potato crisps (chips) consumed in Norn Iron, Tayto Cheese and Onion is easily the most popular – by a huge margin, no one can explain it but the flavour is mana from heaven, all Norn Irish instantly recognise the little yellow bags of crisps and know that Tayto crisps are made from Irish spuds in Tayto Castle..
Fish supper, fish and chips from the chippie, usually wrapped in newspaper and taken home or fed to the seagulls by the sea wall

FingyBob, that bloke over there who’s name I canny remember, “Aye, yes, him, FingyBob..”

I’ll square you up later, I’ll pay you back later.

You lucking a dig in the bake? Are you cruising for a bruising? Are you looking for a fight, Bake = face.

Passion, not something you get up to with your girlfriend but your ma tells you to go outside and you look out the window and it’s raining (as always) so you say to her “sure Ma but it’s passion down..”

Ya Dirty Hallion ya, can be used in a variety of responses, usually in reference to someone who is not very clean (ie minging) but also can be used in the sense of playing very rough at football and kicking the opponent when the referee isn’t watching, can also be used in reference to someone telling a very dirty joke as a form of kudos, usually followed with sniggers.

Cream Crackered rhyming slang for very tired, knackered, “Geez, I’m cream crackered..”

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