Crimes and misdemeanours, Part 9, he should have seen that coming..

Is there anyone there...?

When I was in my early twenties and still living in Norn Iron we had a small theatre in town, The Little theatre, which the amateur dramatics society played at but occasionally they would host various act’s like stage hypnotists and even the odd psychic.

We would all pitch up to see the hypnotist occasionally and being typical Norn Iron we’d muck about with him, there was one guy in particular who we would all fight to get up on stage with and pretend to be hypnotised and then do exactly the opposite to what he said. We were somewhat evil buggers but the entire audience was somewhat mischievous too, the Little theatre wasn’t a big venue (obviously not with a name like that) and it felt more like a family gathering than a full blown theatre.

However, one evening we had a psychic there, some bloke who was going to communicate with the dead but he started off badly by being nearly an hour late (some psychic!) and the entire audience was …well.. was ‘in one of those moods’ by the time the curtain was actually raised..

He introduced himself and tried to set the right atmosphere with spooky music but basically we were all after blood after waiting so friggin long, and he tried communicating with a few long lost audience relatives but wasn’t really having much joy, it was all very vague and unconvincing, we were all growing restless and ironically he was dying up there on stage, we wanted “the family jewels are hidden under the floorboards in the kitchen” but all we got were vague references to the Boar War so you could almost feel the audience circling in for the kill…

He said that the atmosphere wasn’t very conducive tonight to contacting ‘the other side’ but he would give it another shot and some wag shouted out “Darren, what about my mother??” and Darren replied “When did she die?” and the wag shouted back “Oh, she’s not dead!” and the audience burst into laughter… “What about my sister?” shouted another voice and Darren asked “is she dead?” NO! came the reply to more laughter.. and then I shouted out “What about my dad?” and Darren, clearly pissed off by now asked if he was dead and I replied “Yes” so Darren adopts the pose and in hushed tones starts to contact the dead at which point I shout out “Oh no, WAIT! he’s not dead, he’s sitting beside me!!” and the WHOLE audience bursts into long long laughter and Darren gives me the dirtiest look possible and walks off the stage…

He should have seen that coming..

I’m probably going to hell, aren’t I ? (and I won’t be passing any message back from there!)

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