Crimes and misdemeanours, Part 10

My previous career from ’87 to 2000 was as a nurse, mostly Intensive Care but when I did my Nurse training all those years ago the Uni insisted that we students all stayed in Halls of Residence for the first year so we could ‘bond’ and support each other. So that was me, five other blokes (four of whom were gay) and 100 female student nurses.  Rob (the only other straight bloke) and I couldn’t believe our luck, we couldn’t wait to start training, we were both 27 and very keen to bond with our colleagues!

Now you might make a few assumptions here, that Rob and I spent the entire time bonding,  (as we were hoping) but our hopes were cruelly dashed because student nurses are just like proper staff nurses, they all suffer from White Coat Syndrome and will only ever date doctors and medical students. I’m not bitter.. no no, I’m not bitter…mutter mutter.. not at all ..mutter bitter..mutter..

It wasn’t all that bad, us six blokes were very popular during the University dance evenings and were passed from dance partner to dance partner – yes, those were the days when you actually danced with a member of the opposite sex rather than strut your funky stuff across the floor as we ummm you do now days and we got very comfortable chatting to the opposite sex, sadly the conversation rarely strayed into sport or cars territory but it’s a skill that’s served me well over the years but maybe not now as I work with a load of pizza eating coke swilling geeks.

However, and I know I’m going to hell for this, we all used to get up to some ‘jolly japes’ when living in the Halls. We all had individual rooms and there were about twenty rooms along our corridor and we were always pulling pranks on each other.  An easy one to do during the night when everyone was asleep was to tie two opposing door handles together, this meant that when the respective occupants woke and went to leave the room the doors opened just slightly and then slammed shut, much to the amusement of us children..

The one we loved to do was the ‘water cress prank’. When we knew some poor victim was going off on holiday for two weeks we would break into her room, it was always a ‘her’ and the doors were pretty insecure, and we would sneak in half way through the holiday, wet a large area of the carpet and cover it in mustard/water cress seeds, then make sure the curtains are open and leave the room undisturbed for the remaining week.

Then what happened, amongst the titters of absolutely everyone, was that water cress grew over the week and when the victim came back she opened the door and invariably shouted WTF!!! Whilst we all wet ourselves laughing.

Now, it wasn’t really THAT bad, in fact walking on water cress was infinitely preferable to walking on our manky carpets and sometime the victims would leave it there for a few days because it was actually just like walking on grass, then when it was time to chuck it you just simply rolled it up and shoved it in a few refuse sacks…no harm done… and if you are hungry during the night and fancy a snack..

One of the other tricks we used to do, and this was strictly on unpopular student nurses only and one in particular, was to wait until they left their room to go on a shift and then we’d get a bottle of talcum powder and pour it just under her door in the space between the door and the floor and then get a hairdryer and blow all the talcum into the room. What happened then was that the entire room got covered by a thick layer of ‘dust’, every single surface, it took a few hours to get best effect but usually by the time the student came back it was all settled and once more we all peed our pants laughing at WTF!! I think I should point out that it wasn’t just me and Rob doing these pranks, it was everyone in the corridor..

Oh, and BTW, roosters will start crowing at about 5 am, and if they are indoors, it’s really fucking annoying. Trust me.

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