Was off sick a while back and I had worked though my list of people to ring up, you know how it goes; you ring up your good friends and have extended conversations with them and then once you’ve exhausted that seam you ring up friends you aren’t really friends with but talk to them, do a ‘catch-up’ call and then you exhaust that seam of conversation so you start scrapping the bottom of the barrel and call your mother.
I had done all that and short of ringing up Directory Enquiries or The Samaritans I had run out of folk to chat with, so obviously I wondered who can I annoy now..
Sooooo… I thought I’d expand my repertoire with whom I annoy, previously I’ve targeted members of the Royal family but thought perhaps it was time to wind up folk a lot further from these shores, so whom better to annoy than President Obama .. (obviously), after all, why talk to the monkey when you can talk to the Organ Grinder…
So I rang up the Whitehouse (as you do) and asked to speak to Ozzie, (001) 202-456-1414 for any other Londoners wondering what the number is. If you ring up you have to go through about ten layers of ‘Press 1 for threatening message, press 2 to report an oil spill, press 3 to declare war against the United States of America, press 4 to be put on hold so we can trace your call, press 5 to have the Secret Service smash though your window before you put the phone down, etc’ and eventually I got through to Margaret (or was it Maureen?) and asked if the boss was in. Apparently she’s not allowed to disclose that (incase Russia is targeting the White House with an ICBM) but of course all Russia has to do is watch CNN to find out when he’s in the White House press room.. Margarets job is obviously two fold, one part of it is to provide a firewall to stop any mere mortal getting past the switchboard and the other part of the job is to keep the nutters on the line long enough for the Secret Service to trace you..
So I wasn’t getting any joy there (and a 4×4 with blacked out windows suddenly screeched to a stop outside my window..) so I thought I’d target someone else and who better to annoy than that nice man Mr Arnold Schwarzenegger. Apparently he’s governor of some small country somewhere, or at least he is until the 3rd of January, 2011.
Well, naturally I’m concerned that Arnie’s going to be unemployed after the 3rd so I emailed him asking what his plans were and did he need some job hunting advice? This is ‘his’ genuine reply;
Thank you for taking the time to send me your kind words of support. I’m always honored by the encouragement I receive from thoughtful supporters like you.
I am working hard to improve California’s future and make progress in one of the most difficult budget years in California history. Even in the midst of this crisis, I believe we have an opportunity to make our government more efficient and to find innovative ways to stretch the taxpayer dollars. In so many areas of government, there are opportunities for reform – all we have to do is go out and seize them.
Again, thank you for your kind words of encouragement. Hearing from individuals like you reminds me that we are moving in the right direction.
Well, WASN’T that sweet of him, nice to know he can take time out of his busy schedule to fire off a quick email to me… and I didn’t even vote for him 😉
Next on my list is Steve Jobs, (I have a few ideas about a proper iPod rather than that dysfunctional one he sells these days) and rather surprisingly, Steve’s (because we’re mates of course) email address is freely published as;
And even better, he’s quite famous for answering emails himself (just like Arnie.. eh!) so wish me luck.. 😉