X Factor Royal Wedding Special

Bugger, it’s been announced that Prince William and Kate someone-or-another are to be wed next year, time to leave the country, it’s going to be like an upper class version of Big Brother.

It’s alright for you lot living over there across the pond (no! America, you idiot, not Ireland, Ireland is as likely to enjoy a royal wedding as Osama Bin Laden turning up as Best Man!), you lot won’t have it rammed down your throats day in, day out for the next year but here it’s going to be wall to wall royal wedding… bah humbug…  and of course it’s all going to be about ‘the frock’, OMG kill me now.

Of course, I’m not actually sure how this modern couple will cope and manage to buy the average 40 bedroom mansion and teams of footmen, what with their student loans still hanging over them, perhaps they can sell the photo rights to Hello or OK magazine. Traditionally the brides parents pays for the wedding over here so I expect a quiet civil affair with a few guests in some posh hotel.. surely?

I suppose if worse comes to worse we could always get his gracious majesty, Simon Cowell, to organise it all (and hive off a slice of the television rights), we could have X Factor Royal Wedding Special, ordinary members of the public could vote on ‘the frock’ (network charges will apply!) and we could vote on the choice of wedding venue; The Spread Eagle in Slough, close to Windsor castle, The Old Forge (Britain’s most remote pub) in Scotland, or for a bit of fun, The Republic Hotel in Australia..

You see, the reason why I’m a bit peeved about this news is because I’ve made a habit, nay, a hobby, of mine to wind up royalty and I thought I had broadly caught most of them out (it’s in the rest of my journey entries here) but now I’m going to have two new ones to mess about with.  I know I’m in great danger of being thrown in the the Tower of London but like a red rag to a bull.. I’m SURE I’ll get my one phonecall to my lawyer… won’t I?