Lets Talk About Sex (Part Ten)

Am tempted to say ‘been there, done that’ but the RSPCA might arrest me.

I’ve been thinking about dating again recently and in preparation for the ordeal I’ve been checking out the competition by looking at all the 50 yr old males within reasonable distance, yes, I know that’s a bit weird but my mind doesn’t think like normal folk, it likes to take the less well trodden path. It’s been quite a sobering experience, to say the least. Now, undoubtedly some of the blokes are a tad scary and some of them are definitely lying about their age, weight and height, some are frankly laughably and you wonder if ‘Care in the Community’ has gone too far BUT some of them are simply stunning too, I can say that even as a man and it’s very very sobering. When I went on my speed dating night years ago the place was full of chairmen of the board and financial directors with houses in various country and then there was little me from the back streets of Belfast and I’m reminded of that feeling when I troll for 50 year old males in the London area, there are some very good looking men with their head screwed on and with some very well written profiles. Perhaps a life as a Trappist Monk beckons after all.

Sadly there does seems to be an awful lot of photos of men sailing yachts looking very manly and in control, sailing the seven seas and a surprising number of men seem to have caught the same huge effing fish in the same river, I’m starting to think is there some photographers shop in London with a river backdrop and a huge stuffed fish. Anyway, the other thing I noticed the rug count – I’ve just counted and out of the first 50 men only five have a good set of hair without the need for a comb-over – and one of those 50 was me, well, at least that’s some consolation!

I really should check out the local monastery but I often wonder about monks and nuns that hide themselves away, what sort of life must they have, I’m sure it can seem hard trying to be deeply spiritual, what with having to get up at the crack of dawn to pray/mediate/study/fast/scrub floors etc but here’s the thing, I think the real challenge would be to live as a monk or nun out in the community, not sheltered away from modern life  behind big stone walls, trying to be deeply spiritual whilst interacting with modern life and engaging with folk would I think, be much more difficult, seeing the suffering some folk go through and trying to qualify that within your spiritual beliefs would, I think, be a much more challenging task but ultimately turn you into a much better person, the iron ore may complain about being put into the raging furnace but when the finest steel comes out it knows better..

I’ve been thinking about this recently and in much the same way I think monks should get out into the community more then rather than stand by the sidelines and observe the world around me, I’ve dipped my toes back into the dating pool and it’s been a sobering experience. Perhaps it’s because I turned 50 in February but I’m starting to see things differently now and my attitude has changed.

Now I know I am going to get roasted for this and I hesitate to write it but hey, it’s my blog and like the telly, there is an off switch, you can simply switch me off but I’m hoping you don’t, I’m hoping the last paragraph balances thing out and changes your perspective about men, if only slightly. And you will have to excuse the glaring generalisations here, I know not everyone is the same but there is a point and hopefully some truth.

You see, it’s interesting watching dates get together, we men behave somewhat similar to dogs but perhaps in a more civilised way and then again perhaps in a less truthful way, perhaps dogs can teach us something about being true and real, like dogs we approach each other cautiously incase we’re both the same sex, wary of getting bit in the ass and then we do the doggy equivalent of sniffing each other’s butt and when we discover the other person is of the opposite sex we try our very best to mount them doggie style..  (well, I do anyway but ssshhhh don’t tell anyone!). And this is really how it’s been for most of my life and practically every other guy I know. Granted some guys meet someone and take their time before engaging in rumpy-pumpy but ever since puberty that tends to be the pattern most men follow and certainly one most folk will recognise.

And so I’ve been thinking about sex and about when we sleep with someone else, the act of sleeping with someone else is never really just about sex, is it – or I think it’s rarely about ‘just’ sex, you see, when you sleep with someone there is a whole lot more that comes into play, you bring a whole lot more with you, sleeping with someone also says that you like that person, hopefully it says you have some emotional investment in that woman, hopefully you think there is some kind of future in it and it says to her that you like her, you have feelings towards her and its more than just mere sex. It is said that each time a man sleeps with a woman, that she gives a part of herself to him, and it’s not just sex full stop, it’s not just emotions, she gives him part of her heart, part of her soul.. And when he sleeps with her and walks away then, well, then she’s lost a tiny little part of herself – and it’s not just her pride (or only her pride) but something finer, more ethereal that she’s lost, it’s almost a part of who she is..

But here’s the kicker, here’s the thing, you see, we men actually know this, underneath all the lust and animal and the passion there is a part of us that knows this, that senses this – and the older we get the more clearly we come to know this and when we get to this ripe old age of 50 then it screams in our ears, because you see ladies and this is going to surprise you – it is exactly the same for us, the act of sleeping with someone has the same effect on us, we also get emotionally involved in it, we also give a part of ourselves to you and when it is over for whatever reason then we also feel like we have lost a part of ourselves, and it’s why some of us hesitate, why it suits us to take it slowly sometimes  – and I know our behaviour over the centuries makes that seem like complete hogwash but it’s true, when young yes, certainly, wham bam thank you ma’am but the older and wiser we men get, the more sex means to us too , and the act of sleeping with someone is not something some of us take lightly..

(Although, between you, me and the four walls,  we ARE very grateful!)