Come fly with me.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

I tend to like travelling quite a bit, my usual score is to pitch up at Heathrow airport, ask when the next plane is going to the North America and buy a ticket for it.

BTW Minneapolis in February is bloody freezing. So is New Jersey, in Feb. And Toronto but it seems to be cold all year round there.

Anyway, I’m not exactly sure why airlines travel in a huge arc when they go from London to the States, I can only assume it’s because of emergencies and they hope they can land faster (which is another story I shall share one day) but Billy Connelly here did this talk about airlines and emergency procedures, he said why on earth do they do that emergency life jacket drill at the start of every flight… it’s not like if you are spinning into the sea like a dart from seven miles up that an inflatable vest is going to absorb the impact…or even worse hurtling towards a mountain at seven hundred miles an hour you put on your life vest and sit there smugly knowing that you are perfectly safe… really the ONLY reason airlines do that routine is to confuse future archaeologists…because when you crash at seven hundred miles a hour into a mountain there will be very little left of you BUT in hundreds of thousands of years’ time archaeologist will find your life jacket and think “Aye, yup, there once was a river here…”

The last time I flew across the pond I was sitting beside a rather attractive lady and chatting away and getting on like a house on fire when she interrupted the flow of conversation with a loud sneeze and then she did something funny that I didn’t quite understand at the time, she took a tissue out of her handbag and very surreptitiously gave herself a quick little wipe between her legs and just carried on chatting!

I did a double-take and thought I must been mistaken as she just carried on chatting so I did to.

About thirty minutes later she did the same thing, loud sneeze and then again, surreptitiously took a tissue out and wipe herself between the legs.

I looked at her doing this and gave her a WTF look and she looked at me and said “I am so sorry that I have offended you. I have this very rare, embarrassing physical handicap that causes me to have an orgasm every time I sneeze.”

So, being an ex-nurse, I said to her (with some sympathy), “Oh you poor woman, that’s terrible, are you taking anything for it?”

“Yes” she says to me…”Pepper,”