Aquarius Dating Cheat Sheet

Works for me :)

One of my friends was complaining to me recently about how hard it is for anyone to date me, yeah, you’re shocked I actually have friends (still). You see, I’m aquarius and consequently I am the most reasonable Dirty Rotten Scoundrel you will ever come across. In fact, if you call me a Dirty Rotten Scoundrel I won’t argue with you but will readily agree because it’s one of our aquarian traits to see the other person’s point of view and appreciate it – even if we vehemently disagree with it. Apparently one of our other traits is to be annoyingly good looking which makes arguing against us all the more infuriating – personally I think I was in the ‘cute butt’ department and got extra helpings there when I should have been attending the cute face department – at least that’s what I’ve been told in the past..

So the usual methods for trying to manipulate aquarian blokes don’t actually work, after years of dealing with men that won’t listen to a single word you say when the football is on, you actually aren’t equipped to deal with someone who does listen to you. All the lessons learnt over a lifetime of how to get a bloke to do anything now count for nought; nagging or screaming like a banshee or even the most careful rationing of sex won’t work and there’s a reason which goes back to our childhood.

You see, the one over-riding trait of an aquarian is to be different, not to follow conventional wisdom but to question everything, to plough our own furrow and we get all the more pleasure from it if no-one’s done it before us. We are natural rebels, we can’t help it and couple that with the Irish tendency to break every single rule there is and well, we are trouble times squared, not many folk are equipped to deal with that and it’s why we listen to you and even engage in conversation with you, not because we want to sleep with you but because we want to compensate for all the other Dirty Rotten Scoundrels that have come before and treated you badly.

This will have been painfully obvious to our parents when we were children, whilst other kids were playing with Power Rangers and GI Joe this kid was pondering the meaning of the Universe and the mysteries of existence. I was a rebel from a very early age and remember asking our local priest about what happens when you die (and gaining huge pleasure from the shocked look on his face – and the congregation wasn’t too pleased either). I questioned a lot of things that neither he nor my teachers could answer to my satisfaction and that trend has continued unabated. I have questioned everything and gained most satisfaction by not being like everyone else and this includes by not being like my mates when it comes to girlfriends. So I listen, I pay attention and then do the complete opposite because I don’t want to follow the crowd, the urge to be different is so powerful that for the last 20 years I have refused to wear black because on the trains and tubes in the morning practically everyone else wears black, it’s almost like a uniform in London so I have made a conscious point to wear bright light coloured clothes because I want to exert my difference, I don’t want to blend in, I want to stand out. And just to completely screw with your mind set, I have now bought black clothes because I want to prove I can rebel against my rebellious nature… go figure.. it’s so easy to be a rebel when I can change the rules to suit me.

And there is the crux of the matter, if you want to date an aquarian then you need to be different, you gotta walk on the wild side, you must have a sense of adventure and you gotta have balls – (metaphorically of course) and you must have the strong personality to go with it, you gotta be able to argue and fight and stand up to the stubborn aquarian and you have to be willing to tear up the rulebook and make your own rules or even recognise that in the bigger reality there are no rules. Stick-in-the-muds won’t last long because in the ten pin bowling game of life you can either be the bowling ball or the pins – and we will always choose to be the bowling ball.

And there’s something else you should know –aquarians believe in one true love, and are willing to hold out for that, for as long as it takes, and like my mother they will wait until the right person comes along and will deny themselves dates and lots of rumpy-pumpy because they don’t see the point in being like every other guy, better to live a life of a Trappist Monk than play the field so Aquarius won’t serial date, he will simply bide his time and will have faith that The One will cross his path …one day…year…decade..