A load of balls

When I was working on A&E (ER) as a nurse, we had this bloke come in unconscious and naked, he was found by his flatmate who called the ambulance. We checked him over and he had a huge bash on the top of his head (he was bald) but rather unusually he had scratch marks and a small amount of fresh bleeding around his testicles..

We thought this was a weird one, we’ve had some strange cases in A&E like the bloke with the badly injured penis, he claimed he accidentally managed to umm suck his penis up the vacuum spout when he was hoovering, well, that’s what he claimed but we did eye him *somewhat* suspiciously.. I didn’t know it was normal practice to hoover your home naked..in winter..I’ve obviously been doing it all wrong.. and we had a bloke who *fell* onto a toilet cleaning brush instead of falling onto the toilet when drunk and managed to ‘wreck his rectum’ to some suppressed titters from us lot of unbelievers outside the cubicle.. and the amount of folk that accidentally sit on satsumas is amazing…well, they ought to be banned really, they are such a hazard to health…and one bloke managed to get a small light bulb up and around the corner of his rectum… we made copies of the x-ray, it was on the wall of the doctors mess for years..

Anyway, this bloke with the bump and the bleeding testicles.. eventually he regained consciousness and told us his story.. It transpires that he had just finished having a bath and when he got out and dried himself he noticed a scum mark around the bath, so still naked, he got out some bath cleaner and proceeded to lean over and clean his bath.. Whilst he was scrubbing away, his new kitten came into the bathroom, saw his testicles swinging in the breeze and made a lunge for them and dug it’s claws in, he screamed in agony and jumped up suddenly and bashed his head on the medicine cupboard and knocked himself out…

(you might be surprised at just how much of this post is actually true! ;p )