Sea’s all true..

Some silly lines wrote by school kids about The Sea..I hope the spelling mistakes make it across the language barrier!! 1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6) 2) Oysters’ balls are called pearls (James age 6) 3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island […]

Strip-o-grams et al..

About 15 years ago I was working night shifts on Intensive Care and sleeping during the day. One Friday afternoon I was fast asleep as it was a long run of nights and the doorbell rang, I ignored it but it rang again, I thought bugger it and got up and went to answer the […]

Meet The Parents

Spouse’s Parents Survey.. OK, this is only half serious, a little observation of mine, here’s a little test, a little pop survey, how many folk out there have separated from their partners but still see their ex’s parents and are in fact on really good terms with ex’s parents.. or have split up with partner […]

The Mrs Doubtfire look..

You know when you have a baby and everyone says “oh, he sooo looks like you” or “he has your eyes”? I was reading an article the other day that explained we always say this because it’s an evolutionary ploy from prehistoric time to make us fathers think that the baby is indeed ours and […]

The Van Man

When I was in my early teens we moved from seaside Bangor to grotty Belfast. None of us wee’ums were very happy moving, we had our friends and gangs and it meant new schools, friends etc. After a while I started to explore my new turf and of course make new friends. Everyone in the […]

Recycled Words, Part Three.

Yet more recycled village/town/hamlet names that could be put to better use; (these do actually exist) Papple; To do what babies do to soup with their spoons. Lackawanna; The inability of New York Taxi drivers to know where Central Park is. Marytavy; A person to whom, under dire injunctions of silence, you tell a secret […]

Confession Time; Readers Wives..

Confession time number three or four… so many confessions, so little time.. Being Irish of course I have four older brothers, two older sisters and two younger brothers, nine of us in total. Around 1978 my eldest brother asked me to look after his house as he and his girlfriend were going away on holiday […]

The way it was (and probably still is)

Some of the more awake of you will have noticed that I have used the names Londonderry and Derry in the previous post, they both refer to the same city but it’s how we Norn Irish practise our racism. In other countries racism is a piece of piss, you can tell relatively easily who is […]

The Bogside, The Waterside and Four Large Pricks.

Growing up in Norn Iron during the 60/70’s wasn’t all bombs and bullets, we liked to tell jokes and have fun as well. In the city of Londonderry there are two infamous areas, one called The Waterside and the other The Bogside. These areas are indeed near water, there is a large river leading out […]

Confession time, I hang my head in shame….

I hang my head in shame, names have been changed to protect the innocent.. One dark and stormy night – NO, NO, REALLY, it was dark and stormy, it was the night of the famous hurricane here in southern England. Michael Fish, the Walter Cronkite of weatherman on BBC1, chuckled about it at 6pm on […]